It’s Christmas time in Miami, so that means palm trees, humidity at 80%, and Holiday cheer that seems super out of place (the usual for the 305)…I’m wearing a tank top for Christ sake. In my childhood home, I sit in my dad’s home office.Surrounded by two clothing racks, boxes packed to the ceiling and an air mattress. Every thing my husband and I own is packed in this tiny 10 x 10 room, including us. Moving day is near and it doesn’t feel like Christmas, it’s feels like I’m not there or really anywhere, because I’m in my head. Will it be the same? Will I like New York the same way I did before? Am I going back because I truly belong there or am I chasing the life I lived in my 20’s ? Who knows. Merry Christmas to me and my questions.
Happy New Year! The move is now less than 7 days away. My two brothers, parents, dog, husband and brother’s fiance have been under the same roof for 2 weeks and I can’t help but feel like an optimistic teenager- childish and playful- at times giddy, at times anxiety ridden. The positive anticipatory vibes come to a screeching halt when I somehow get the flu and I can’t break my fever for 5 days. We decide that my husband should sleep at his parents to avoid getting sick – because someone has to drive to NYC with our life in tow. I can’t say goodbye to our friends, I can’t give them belated holiday gifts. I’m unable to help with last minute prep, and I was in bed while freight movers picked up our stuff. I’m too sick to finish my last days of work or even grab a coffee with my mom one last time. I couldn’t spend time with my twin brother who I see twice a year or my little brother who I won’t be seeing for a long time. Two days before my move, my dad catches me at 6:30 am wandering the house while coughing and crying…hunched over,wearing the same blush colored night gown I’ve worn 5 days in a row. Still unable to break a fever, he takes me to the urgent care moments later. As we’re driving through my hometown on a sleepy, cool morning, I catch myself in the rear view mirror. I was so sick- I didn’t recognize myself. It then hit me, somehow I physically manifested this massive transition and my body was just catching up to what I already knew – that this wasn’t supposed to be easy, but it will be worth it. Besides, at this point… 31 years in… I already knew that I never choose the easier route. Our road trip was the perfect example of that, we caught one of the biggest snow storms The Carolinas have seen in over a decade. We fell in a snowy ditch, got out, spent a night with family, laughed a lot, played trivia, and I coughed a ton as we drove through a winter wonderland. On January 8th, around 8pm, we crossed the Brooklyn bridge into Manhattan and we were home. My eyes filled up with tears, I looked at myself in the icy rearview and realized I wasn’t chasing a life I already lived. I was chasing a life I wanted to live.
Ummm it’s real cold, Happy 32nd birthday to me!
We’ve moved into our permanent home. A sweet little apartment on the Lower East Side (downtown girl 4 lyfe). Hard wood floors, a cute fire escape, and sun filled bedroom. We sold all of our furniture, so we had to start fresh. It felt good to have a brand new start and I felt closer to my husband than ever before. We had become so in sync through this whole process, and now we were at the fun part- the ‘buying stuff part’. We had to decide everything from a bath mat to a couch, and I loved it. We were reunited with our stuff from storage since we had been sub-letting our friend’s apartment for the past 4 months and everything was finally coming together. Spring was in full swing, I broke out my sandals and light weight wardrobe as we discovered our new neighborhood via many long walks. My commute to work became much quicker, giving me more time to write and do more things for myself. My life at work had settled and I finally felt like I knew what I was doing and not pretending (still feel like that sometimes though).
It’s real hot. Rosé is good. Real good.
It’s been 8 months, Summer is cooling off and Fall feels near. Walking everywhere has (once again) become a form of moving meditation for me. The city speaks to me, I find inspiration with every step I take. Days off are filled with mini adventures to new neighborhoods and lots of pictures of everything I see and or wear.My personal style has changed, I’m taking more risks and playing with color (gasp). My husband and I have both established a deep connection with the city and the few friends that have visited us can’t help but mention how happy I look. Because I am. My days are sometimes very long. Blogging and a 60 hour work week sometimes seem impossible to juggle, but when I’m walking home, headphones in and eyes looking up, I can’t help feel like I’m where I need to be. Love in my heart, ideas constantly churning in my head and a ton of gratitude in my soul. I’m so grateful for my incredible support system that never doubted or judged the move. Lots of people move back to their hometown and get married like I did, they then buy a house or have a kid. I decided to mix things up ( per usual) and live in a place where I can thrive and work towards a life of that I can be proud of . A life of creativity, passion and congruence. My life should be the life I envision in my head; that’s the challenge. Challenge accepted.
I love you New York
This blog post was not something I’d ever thought I’d write, but YOU ( dear reader and sweet bird) asked for it and I hope it answers questions, inspires and resonates . It’s important to be honest and live my truth through this blog even if it has nothing to do with what I’m wearing. I hope you like it, thanks for reading .